Time seemed to fly by with this pregnancy, before I knew it I was already 39 weeks along, and not quite feeling ready to be a mother of 2, but so ready to meet our sweet baby girl. Blake was so very excited to be a big brother, always hugging and kissing my belly and asking to talk to his little sister.
When Blake was born I ended up laboring for 24 hours and then having an emergency C-section. This time around I was determined to have a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) I was dreaming of being able to hold my fresh new baby in my arms seconds after she was born, something I didn't get to experience with blake, but so desperately wanted.
The doctors told me I should be a prime candidate for a VBAC so that is what I was expecting. As we got closer to my due date, I had absolutely no progression, and I started to get a little discouraged. I remember siting in the dr.'s office 39 weeks along, as the doctor told me that my cervix had not even dilated to a 1, and that my cervix was tilted so far back he had a hard time even reaching to strip my membranes. He told me that if I did not show any change by my next appointment at 40 weeks, that he would not induce me but instead he would suggest a repeat C-section. I was so crushed as I left my appointment that day. But still determined to avoid a C-section I did everything I could think of to try to progress my labor. But throughout the week I had maybe one mild contraction, but nothing to make me think that anything had changed so I started to wrap my mind around the idea of another C-section.
My due date came, and I went to my appointment and still no progress, so we scheduled a C-section for the my 41 week mark, to give me a little bit longer to go into labor on my own. As the next week went on with still nothing happening, Spencer and I decided that we should just fully prepare ourselves for a C-section, and schedule it for a little bit earlier. Once we made this decision I was surprisingly at peace and was able to come up with some pros to C-section, which really helped me mentally prepare to face one of my biggest fears.
That week of waiting after my due date was hard, but it was also kind of nice knowing the exact day that our little sweet heart would be born.
My favorite part about knowing the day she would be born was being able to know that the day before was our last day with Blake as our only child. So we decided to make a fun day out of it!
We took Blake to his Preschool meet the teacher, and then to the park.
My mom and I went to get pedicures and manicures, which was so fun and relaxing. While we were there I got the call from the hospital letting me know that I needed to come in the next day at 7:00am for the surgery, ahhh! So crazy to know a time!
While we got our nails done Spencer took Blake to the jumpy place
That night I held my first baby, for the last time as my only baby
That night was such a surreal feeling knowing that when we woke up we would be going into the hospital. I did some cleaning, and luckily we were up late enough that I was actually able to sleep.
I remember it felt so early when we woke up, Spencer gave me a blessing, we loaded up our bags and the carseat and headed to the hospital!
That belly though! 40 weeks and 6 days along!
Getting prepped for surgery was actually quite calming, compared to the last time I went through it. This time The nurse and anesthesiologist were able to explain things to me and nothing felt rushed.
Once the epidural started to kick in was when I started to have a lot of anxiety. The more of my body that went numb the more I remembered from Blake's birth. As they wheeled me into the OR I was trying so hard to be brave and strong but all of my intense fears from last time were really hard to hold back. The first little while being alone in the operating room while the nurses and doctors lifted me onto the operating table, strapped my arms down, covered me with blankets and put up the sheet were so lonely. There was something about being completely numb from the neck down, and knowing what they were about to do that had me in a complete panic. I was so glad when Spencer got to join me in the room. The surgery was so hard for me, mostly emotionally. I could feel a lot of pressure physically, but at the same time my mind was fighting the fear of pain, and waiting anxiously to hear a healthy baby cry signaling that it was all worth it.
Finally at 8:05 am our sweet little girl entered the world.
The doctor announced that she was big and healthy and
blonde and I started to cry because I was just so relived. I wanted so badly to see her and hold her right at that moment, it absolutely breaks my heart that I didn't get to see her for those couple of minutes right after she was born but at least Spencer got to be with her.
When they finally brought her over to me I was filled with so much love for my sweet little angel. It was amazing to be able to feel her small face on my face, and although I desperately longed to hold her I was just so happy and relived to be able to see her, and feel her soft skin.
After they took her away Spencer followed and I stayed behind while my surgery was being finished up. I remember falling in and out of asleep, I was so exhausted. Spencer got to be with our sweet girl while I was sent to the recovery room for about an hour. I cherish all of the pictures of this time when I didn't get to be with her.
Spencer and Brighton instantly had such a sweet connection. It has been the most amazing thing witnessing his intense love for her.
Holding her in my arms for the first time was so special, I would go through everything again in a heartbeat for this sweet child, she was so worth it.
I was so excited for Blake to meet her for the first time. His facial expressions were so priceless, he has been the most sweet and attentive brother since he first met her.
I cant believe we are now a family of four!
Welcome to the world Brighton Rae, you are such a light to our family!
